I love being a mom. Adore it. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced and it is the most magnificent thing. I remember asking my friend Rebecca right after I had EA- why didn't you tell me it was this good??
But something came with it that has the potential to be equally as life shaking- comparison. For me, it started during pregnancy- why do some people get pregnant so fast while others take so long? Why does their baby move more than our baby?- and progressed right on into her little life- Why can some people bfeed and I can't? Is my daughter's life going to somehow be less because I physically could not give her the milk she needed? How much does she weigh? How tall is she? Is she sitting/ rolling over/ crawling/ creeping/ walking/ talking?
And anytime the answer is no, I obsess over it. Why isn't she doing these things? and often times- What I am doing wrong?
This ugly thing called comparison can eat away all of the joy that being a mom can give- it makes me see my precious, wonderful daughter as not enough. I HATE IT.
What it comes to is simple- pride. Greedy, ugly pride.
And what Satan wants me to think is that it's okay. It's normal.
The thing is, just because other mom's or just other people in general deal with it, doesn't mean it's okay. My daughter is never going to be just like someone else's daughter, just like my pregnancies will never be like anyone else's. God has a story that is perfect for us- it will not always have "happy endings" or always be easy, but it is perfect because God knows every step of it. Every time I start comparing, I am telling God that I am not happy with the incredible blessing He has given me- that I expected more, better, different. Where what I really got was the most amazing gift I have ever received.
EA will develop all of the skills that she is supposed to in her own time- and I don't want her to develop them in any other way- she is unique and special. That's one of the things that I love so much about her.
Praise Jesus that He made her exactly like she is.
Because that's exactly how she should be.
*Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.*
Isaiah 43:4
I have no idea if you remember me but we had classes in Auburn Ele Ed. This post really spoke to me because I find myself worrying about William's speech. He will talk when he is ready!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Ash. I was just thinking about our beach talk on this topic earlier today. Hope we see y'all this weekend!
ReplyDeleteAmen sister! Your sweet little lady is your precious gift from God! Don't you hate it when Satan fills up your head with those kinds of thoughts? You're not alone, I'm right there with ya! We are doing a bible study (Beth Moore: So Long, Insecurity) and I feel like she is talking to me throughout the entire book. Let God's grace pour over you when you feel insecure. Even if you don't FEEL insecure, act insecure by knowing that God's grace can carry you through. Easier said than done, ha! But if you haven't read the book, you should! Great read.
ReplyDeleteI went through this EXACT SAME THING in Lucy's first year! Thanks for the transparency, friend! Love you. Blessings.
ReplyDeletesuch great truth! God is definitely working on me about this. Your words are such a blessing.
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